I can’t tell you how many days this school year have ended with me curled up in bed, exhausted in every way.
I can’t tell you how many phone calls I have made to doctors, praying that they can see us soon.
I can’t tell you how many doctor’s offices we have walked into, knowing we would need to tell our story all over again.
I can’t tell you how many emails I’ve sent to teachers.
I can’t tell you how many tears that have been shed.
I can’t tell you how many times I have wondered if we were doing this right.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve just wanted to throw in the towel.
Just too many.
We are fighting this invisible fight. The same fight I have fought. The same fight other family members have fought.
This time, it looks like this…
Bright, bright mind.
Idea after idea, story after story.
Unable to focus.
Struggle to fit in at school.
And from there it looks like this…
But to the world, it’s invisible.
There are no crutches, no casts. There is no birthmark or limp. There is no sympathy inducing moment when everyone signs up to bring you meals.
There is judgement and irritation.
There is exasperation and frustration.
There are strange looks and taunting.
There is embarrassment and fear.
There is denial and advice.
This is giftedness/depression/ADHD all wrapped up in one. It’s an invisible fight.
And just the other day, my eleven year old said to me- “By the time we figure this all out Mom, the school year will be over.” Inside I died a little bit, knowing the pain of this ongoing walk in the dark. Though it has looked a little different, I have walked this road myself. And he is right, it never seems like we figure it out in time. It usually has to fall apart before we can identify any of the pieces to try and put it back together.
If there was any gift I could give my child, it would be this- understanding.
Understanding of self.
Understanding from others.
Understanding that we are in this together.
If there was any gift I could give myself- grace.
Grace to self.
Grace to others.
Grace to all who walk this road.
If there was any gift I could give you- patience.
Patience with him.
Patience with me.
Patience with the unfolding journey of the invisible fight.
We can do this.