Late this afternoon, Drew drove down the driveway and out of the neighborhood in his car loaded with clothes, boxes and many other belongings. He’ll be back soon, but his car won’t. This is the beginning of the move and this is the first load. I guess you could say it is the first goodbye of sorts.
He’ll be storing his things and exploring the city. He’ll be meeting his new co workers and beginning his new life there. He’ll make his way to the airport each weekend and fly here to be with us, but it’s a fragmented life. He’ll be there more than here. Our weeknight evenings together, talking about whatever our day was like, are on hold for a while. Meanwhile, there is a house to pack and children to care for. There are soccer practices, piano lessons, homework, concerts, end of the year field trips and sixth grade promotion. There are sleepovers and birthday parties, trips to our favorite places and coffee with friends. There are memories to be made and time to grieve what will be no more.
This is the life we are living, but the shift has begun.
This, is the in- between.
I’m learning (maybe just attempting?) to live, I mean — really live, while our feet are straddling the divide.
It’s hard to spend these last days with the people closest to us here. It is sweet and painful, it is awkward and it’s right at home. .I’m working to “stage our house” for photos and for showings. It’s not quite ours, already.
How do you live and grow while pulling up roots at the same time?
Abbey has spent this weekend with her good friends. It breaks her heart to think of separating from those kids she loves, but she is also up for the adventure. I look to her youthful energy and her emotional peaks and valleys that flow freely through each day. I follow her lead to live and love and to enjoy each moment she has left. I carry the heaviness of responsibility that comes with this large upheaval but I will balance it with an openness to the experiences that each day offers us all.
There are moments that are hard and I cannot wait to move into our next phase, but I am so aware that all that we struggle with here will follow us into our new home and life-no matter where it may be. It may look a little different but it’s all the same stuff. The Avett Brothers sing a song that runs through my head on repeat, reminding me that all that I am tempted to turn from today will be with me tomorrow. It’s not lies (as in the song) that I’m thinking of, but the things that feel hard now- because “nothin happens here that doesn’t happen there.”
So we are still here, but we are heading there. We are opening and shutting doors, all at once. And just because I love them and I am always more than happy to share them….
The Weight of Lies by The Avett Brothers
The in-between is now.