What I Want To Tell You

IMG_3719There are so many things to tell you!

I want to tell you about my new front porch. I find myself out here whenever I need a place to escape or to rest. The wind chimes and the cicadas take turns filling the very briefly quiet spaces. Right now the cicadas are screaming. I mean, screaming.

I want to tell you about my new neighborhood. The homes that are so close to one another. The farmer’s market that is half a block away. The neighbors who are warm, outgoing and friendly. The people here who are so diverse. How I watch folks of all races walk past as I read, drink, eat, rest or whatever reason I find myself out here for. There are so many couples- young and old, gay and straight, black and white- they all have found a home here in this community. I want you to know how happy I am to be raising my kids here.

I want to tell you how fun it is to ride our bikes everywhere. “I’ll go pick Abbey up from soccer! ” I said last night. So I put on a sweatshirt and throw on my helmet. I jump on my bike and glide through the alley ways, hoping to avoid the cars that zoom up and down the narrow streets. After I meet her at the park, we race back home- relieved by the cool night air the flows past our cheeks.

I want to tell you how much I miss you.

I want to tell you how strange and how normal it is no longer going to church.

I want to tell you that sometimes things don’t make sense (like uprooting your comfortable family) until all of a sudden they do. I want to tell you how surprised you are one day when you look around and think, YES.

I want to tell you how glad I am to be celebrating a 17th wedding anniversary to this man I married- all those years ago, practically a stranger. I want to tell you how different we both are today, but how glad we are to have each other. I want to tell you how grateful I am to be parenting as a team and not figuring it all out on my own. I want to tell you how much we’ve grown as friends, parents, lovers and individuals.

I want to tell you how many times a day I look at my phone and wonder when it will ring. When will I see my sister or Blake’s phone number pop up and I’ll know that sweet baby is coming soon?  I want you to know how glad I am that they are less than 5 hours away.   I want you to know I’ll be heading there as soon as I can to hold that new nephew or niece.

I want you to know that midwest thunderstorms are like NOTHING I remember or have experienced before. The thunder that rocks the earth below you and cracks open the sky around you.

I want you to know how wonderful it is to have so many options here.  Choices of schools, doctors, and other communities.

I want you to know that a miracle happened this week when Josh walked out of his new school with a smile on his face and a renewed love for learning.

I want you to know that all this is a privilege.   A privilege I am aware of and that many people do not have.  I want you to know that this matters to me.

I want you to know how life continues to be the same and to change, all at the same time.

I want you to know that above all that I’m grateful for all this life mess. The good and the bad.

Grateful for all these things.

Grateful for the past and the present.

Grateful for time- time that gives us the chance to wake up, to evolve and to continue to grow into the people that already we are.

Grateful for this story that continues to unfold….

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