This Will Be My First Story: My Daughter’s Transgender Friend.

Or, more simply, my daughter’s friend.

So this is not the story’s beginning and it’s not the end.

It’s just the part that happened at our house  and the part that changed me.    I’m only telling this story from my perspective and no one else’s involved.

Not Abbey’s experience and not her friend’s.

Just mine.

When I shared with you that I wanted to tell stories, I received some wonderful wisdom from my friend Annette.   Her comment was short, but exactly what I needed to hear.

Keep telling stories…. stories are way more powerful than ideas…

So here’s one more story about my kids teaching me.

The other evening, Abbey and I were watching the news.

We were in Detroit and she was preparing to go to Lancaster for a week to visit family and friends.    She, my brother-in-law-  Blake and I, flipped through the channels after the younger kids had gone to bed.    We came upon a station where they were discussing the latest news regarding the law that had been passed, days ago, in North Carolina that would require transgender people to use the public restroom that was labeled for the gender that they were born as.

I had been thinking about this since I had heard the news.   Knowing that people were pained about this issue always makes me more sensitive and aware.   But it didn’t seem close and I didn’t have a strong opinion about it.   I knew of transgender people who other friends loved and cared about, but I did not know of anyone in my life.

Abbey asked about this law.   “What does that mean?”  she asked.

So, we talked a bit.   I did my best to explain what had been put in place and she listened quietly.  The subject felt a bit abstract, awkward and I wasn’t sure how to explain it fully to her.

She had a simple response.

“Kelly * is transgender,” she said.

“Kelly?   Like, your friend, Kelly?” I asked.

“Like the Kelly you spent the day with last week?”

She looked at me with a confused expression.

“Yes, Mommmmmmm.”

She said it in her most annoyed teenage tone.   Like I just didn’t get it.

 Kelly.    Her friend Kelly is transgender.     My mind is racing.     How did I not know this?     Why hadn’t she talked about it?      She didn’t seem afraid or nervous about it at all.   

And then  quickly, it all fell together.

I knew she had a friend at school who was transgender.   She had mentioned it once, months ago.   She has continued to branch out and meet more and more people as the year has gone on.   Names are thrown out all of the time.   Groups of friends get together and I usually just remember the few who she is the closest to.   But Kelly’s name was fresh in my memory because Abbey had just spent the day with her.

Kelly,  her friend who she hangs out with,  is transgender.

And just like that, everything shifts.

Blake, who was sitting with us still, asked her- “So he was born a boy  but now he’s a girl?”

“SHE’S a girl.”   Abbey said.    “Kelly’s a girl.”

And once again I stop, reflect and am reminded- my kids are showing me the way.

That is my story.

My daughter brought someone new into my life that she loves.   This is no longer about some distant person that wants to use the bathroom and somehow it’s an issue.    It’s about my daughter’s friend who just wants to be herself.   It’s about my child who cares about her friend and wants her to live just as every other friend of Abbey’s lives.  It’s about a kid finding her way.    My kid finding her friends.

Stories makes issues into people.     The truth is, they were never an issue to begin with.

Just a middle schooler, figuring out life one step at a time.   Me, just a middle lifer, figuring out life one step at a time.

The Sky is Full of Stories, friends.    I am so glad to experience new ones, each and every day.

Life is unfolding, right in front of me.



*Abbey’s friend’s name is changed for privacy.


4 thoughts on “This Will Be My First Story: My Daughter’s Transgender Friend.

  1. Wow, Lisa. Thanks for sharing this story about Abbey’s friend… and to her mom who is doing an awesome job raising her daughter and gave her blessing for you to share this story. “Stories makes issues into people. The truth is, they were never an issue to begin with.” ….love that.

    Liked by 1 person

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