25 mg

Numbers are not my thing. They never were.

I spent that high school Geometry year passing notes to my friends. And then I was forced into Algebra I and II where I just a scrambled for a decent grade. Could I pull off a B? If so,

I. Was. Thrilled.

The only class I ever failed was Trig, in college.

For me, numbers just sucked. They felt and still feel like a foreign language.  I have to ask my nine year old to go get Dad for help with math homework.

But this time, the numbers count for everything.

25 mg

I’ll get right to it. For two years we’ve been treading water with one of our kids. Just look back on blog entries. It’s all there. We’ve had to choose hope when we feel nothing. We’ve had to get out of bed when it felt too hard. We’ve had to hold that child closely, just praying any little prayer that felt like it might keep him going.

Us going.

We’ve had to shoot prayers of desperation to a God that felt completely silent. And the number of miles we have driven to the doctors that would fix it all? They are not possible to count. We’ve journeyed to any place that invited us in.

25 mg.

A month ago, after months and months and months of trying, we went up 25mg with a medication. It didn’t mean much because we’ve adjusted and changed and done it so many times before. It was watch and wait, hope and pray, beg and plead and just assume that really it would never work.

But. Guess, what? 25 mg made the difference.

For the first time in two years, I can say what I’ve been hoping to say-

We had a great weekend.

Ups and downs, we handled it all. The things that were felt too deeply and intensified beyond belief, they were just another moment in time. We walked away feeling like it may be okay after all.

There is no easy fix and there is no guarantee of the road ahead. But I do know that we are feeling something we haven’t felt in a long time.

When I dropped him off at school today and he was thrilled about running club- excited to see how far he could run this time, I wasn’t sure who this kid was getting out of my car.


I am sure of one thing, I’m not going to take advantage of any of it.

And for once- I’m excited for the weekend!


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